It will be better if I’m like what most of my friends think what I am… No worries, no doubt, always feel free, laugh out load, etc etc…
However, as said "Everybody sees how you seem, however, only some knows who you are"
This morning, actually planned to wake up at 8 as got appointment with friends… Alarm rang, off it, continued to sleep…
9.38 My friend sends me message, "I’m already in the library…"
-_-!!! Shocked… took bath, no time to have my breakfast d, directly left…
Recently, life seems very messy…
I often oversleep - it never happens before… is it too tired?! I have no idea…
When i left house, i still felt ok… arrived at library, discussed for MAD final exam, etc etc… suddenly feel not good…
why? why? why? W- H - Y?! I hope I could know the exact answer…
Is it because of IM assignment?! coz of a feeling of missing my home sweet home - mom, dad n c, robi n joy?! coz of final exam is coming?! or coz of something else?!
let me consider about IM assignment?! - as i reviewed my IM assignment yesterday, i found it - TERRIBLE… That day, i really dun have time to edit the overall assignment… Hate myself for that…
Hate myself for not being discipline. I really want to excuse myself by taking my friend visit as a reason… But i definitely cant do that… IF i did it long long time before this, IF at least i can suppress my desire to release stress - which i over did it - and continue on working with any condition that time, IF I … IF I… IF I…
A lot of IF statements come now, which is too late… Now nothing I can do except, learn from mistake * I wish I could* and still not giving up on hoping the best for it…
:
Then miss home?! Recently I dun feel it so long time d… no no, I should say that i try not to bother to that feeling…
This 8 months, home home home, mom, dad, c are the people who I missed the most…
I thought I finally used to this feeling d, but if this pain in my heart is really because of that, I should know why…
Last few days, c sms me, said she dreamt wearing wedding dress… as Chinese belief, it’s not a good sign… *touch wood*
I told C not to worry, it’s nothing one… But actually deep in my heart I’m the one who worry the most…
And this morning, I dreamt regarding hair cut…. it’s not me, but again Chinese said, it’s another bad sign… Akh… Hate Chinese for this, why dont they come out with good signs only?! and hate myself for being so Stupid to believe in it…
I try not to believe in such superstitious things… But I cant change, I just the type of person that easily believe in something and once I assume it’s true, it’s very hard for me to change that thought… -_-!!!
I would like to ignore all this feeling and all my thoughts I have in my head now, but it’s not easy…
As what 33’s story said regarding keeping our palm wide open so easier for God to bless us, and we wont feel pain when God wants to take it away… Try to apply it in my life… But asking myself, why God should take it away when at first He gives it to us?! ????!!!!
I think this whole time, I hold on too tight already. I feel pain when i myself try to loosen in up, even a bit only…
Dunno what to said already… T.T
:
Others possibilities????!!!
A lot more…
Hate the feeling of being closed but seems very far….
As God didnt promise Days without Pain, Laughter without Sorrow, Sun Without Rain. But He did Promise Strength for the Day, Comfort for the Tears, and Light for the Way…
Let me Hold on this…
A lot of things happen… I know cant go back and make a brand new start, but I can start from now and make a brand new ending…
Be Strong, Girl… *comforting myself, haha*
Lin ^ ^
